


I don't understand

by Haechannieislife



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Rape/Non-con Elements, seokmin-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-08-30 06:34:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8522341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haechannieislife/pseuds/Haechannieislife
Summary: "Seokmin come here," Seungcheol Hyung requests, his hands out in front in a pacifying manor. Why is he looking at me like that? They're all looking at me like I'm some sort of victim. I don't understand.





	

"Seokmin come here," Seungcheol Hyung requests, his hands out in front in a pacifying manor. Why is he looking at me like that? They're all looking at me like I'm some sort of victim. I don't understand. Jaesop Hyung's arm tightened around me, pulling me closer into his side. I look up at him to tell me what to do. I'm not good at making decisions, so it's better if he makes them for me. He looks after me like that, he only does it because he cares. I feel reassured having someone looking after me the way he does. He smiles at me whilst calmly readjusting the arm around my shoulders so that his grip is tighter. 

"Seokminnie, come to me, please," Soonyoung Hyung begs, sounding like he's about to cry. That doesn't make any sense, why would he be upset. I take a half step in his direction but am pulled back by Jaesop. I look up at him in confusion; his mouth is set in a grim line, seemingly involved in some sort of stare off with Doongi Hyung. He steps forward cautiously until he's directly in front of us. I automatically gravitate towards his soothing presence, but the grip on my neck tightens, choking me slightly. I wince in pain and he looks at me with an unreadable expression. "Let him go Jaesop," he instructs, sounding firm. There is a tense silence before I am all but shoved at him. I stumble but am caught automatically by his strong arms. He keeps a reassuring arm around me as he pulls me to the side of the room, whispering soothing phrases the entirety of the journey. I am so confused. Everyone keeps on treating me like some sort of wounded animal. Nobody is moving, they're all just staring at Jaesop. It's incredibly tense, but before I can dwell on it further, two police officers enter. I am so confused. They proceed to handcuff him. They're handcuffing him, arresting him; why? I try to voice my questions but they get stuck in my throat. Doongi keeps a tight grip on me in case I make a run from it. As they drag him from the room I do begin to struggle, desperate to go after him. I don't know what to do without him. 

Doongi holds me as I sob into his shoulder, rocking me gently where we stand. Once I've calmed down I am approached by another police officer, asking me gently if I would mind coming down to the station to answer a few questions. "Is that where Jaesop Hyung is?" I ask. The question gets an audible wince from several in the room, but the police officer ignores them completely. He tells me kindly that yes, he will be there but unfortunately I will not be able to see him. I sigh in disappointment but agree to go with him. I am asked if I would like someone to accompany me, at which I turn to my band mates. The sight that greets me is a big shock. Most of them look like they've been crying, with some still in tears, gripping on to each other for support. My eyes widen in surprise, but before I can voice my surprise Seungcheol steps forward, volunteering to come with us. He smiles at me warmly before helping me into a jacket he must have procured of someone. This time it's he who has an arm around my shoulders, and he keeps it there the entire ride to the station. I find myself relaxing into him, so he keeps me in his warm embrace, silently comforting me. 

"So Seokmin, who would you say Byun Jaesop is to you?"  
"My boyfriend," I tell them, not quite sure of the true answer.  
"When did the two of you start dating?" the interviewer asks, her tone light and open.  
"I'm not sure exactly, probably around 6 years ago?"  
"That's quite a long time, how old are you now Seokmin?"  
"19," I reply.  
"So you were..."  
"Thirteen," I answer. "It's not like that though."  
"What do you mean?"  
"He didn't abuse me. I know I was young, but it wasn't like that. He loves me."  
"Why don't you tell me about how the relationship started, what it's like, that sort of thing."

So I tell them.

I tell them that he's the best thing that ever happened to me. How he stops me from making bad decisions, from being a bad person. He was the manager in charge of the trainee dorm I was in. We shared a room. It all started with him punishing me when I made mistakes or when I was disrespectful. He made me realise that I need him, need him to tell me when I've been bad. 

"What sort of punishments were they?"  
"Sexual ones."  
"How old were you the first time he touched you in a sexual manor?"  
"Thirteen."  
"And intercourse?"  
"The same."  
"Could you please specify for the tape."  
"Thirteen. The first time we had sex I was thirteen."  
"Was it consensual?"  
"Well no. It was because I was being punished."  
"What for?"  
"My voice had cracked during singing practise. He had to make sure a mistake like that wouldn't happen again."  
"Did you say no?"  
"Of course. I didn't want to do it. It hurt so much. The pain was worth it though, because it meant that I had earned his forgiveness."  
"Was that the only time you had sexual intercourse?"  
"No, it wasn't."  
"When was the last time?"  
"Two days ago," I tell them, absentmindedly running my fingers over the bruises adorning my wrists and lower arms.  
"Does it hurt you when you have sexual intercourse?"  
"Yes."  
"Do you enjoy it?"  
"Not really, but it means that I'm forgiven."  
"Forgiven for what?"  
"Being stupid, not being good enough, dragging the team down. He says it's called BDSM, and that lots of couples do it."  
"Do you have a safe word?"  
"No, what's that?"  
"Is there a way of letting him know you want to stop?"  
"No, it's a punishment. Besides, I'm not allowed to talk during sex, it puts him off."  
"Why would it put him off?"  
"My voice annoys him. He likes me when I'm silent, he calls me his doll. He loves me when I just look pretty."

After a few more questions, we are driven back to the dorm. Seungcheol grips my hand in his until we get through the front door. I am led into the living room where everyone has gathered. I am immediately greeted with a warm hug from Junhui Hyung who, along with Soonyoung, asks if I would fancy a bath. I nod my agreement, unable to look either of them in the eye. I see them silently communicating over my head as they lead me to the bathroom. I here Seungcheol Hyung begin to recount our trip to the police station, so I speed past them into the bathroom. Jun begins to run me a bath; I lean against Soonyoung as he brushes my hair, gently smoothing out any tangles. The soothing motion releases me of some of the tension I've been holding onto all day, and I am almost asleep by the time the bath is run. I let the older two help me out of my clothes and into the bath. They wash me carefully, going as far as to place a hand over my eyes when rinsing the shampoo out of my hair. I stare at spot on the tiled wall in front of me to avoid having to acknowledge the multitude of bruises on my torso, or having to see their reaction to them. 

When the bath goes cold I tell them I would prefer to dry myself, reassuring them with a small smile. I take my time drying off, relishing a little time alone, before making my way to the living room. I catch the tail end of Seungcheol's quick recap for Jun and Soonyoung's benefit. "He's covered in bruises," Soonyoung tells the group, sounding tearful. "The things he was saying in there..." Seungcheol tails off. "He was thirteen when it started, how did we not notice anything? He was just a baby," Jihoon sounds close to tears himself. "He sees himself as worthless without that pervert, how are we going to fix this?" Jeonghan Hyung asks. It's at that point I decide enough is enough. 

"He's not a pervert! I love him," I barge into the room. They all look stunned at my sudden appearance, but Jisoo Hyung snaps out of it the quickest. "Sweetheart, he made you have sex when you said no, that isn't love," he tells me gently. "But I love him. It wasn't like that," I feel my voice break as I desperately try to keep the tears at bay. "He manipulated you. You were a child and it was abuse," Seungkwan talks to me firmly, the tear tracks on his face still wet. I shake my head in denial, my arms wound around my waist tightly. "You said it was a punishment right?" Chan, who I have a soft spot the size of China for, asks gently. I nod. "Then if I make a mistake on stage or in the practise room, should I be beaten, be raped?" I look up in shock, ready to vehemently dispute it. "So then why you?" he finishes softly. It was at this point the gravity of the situation hit me. I find myself in my brothers arms, crying for my broken heart, mind and body as they hold me.

It's later on that evening, with my head in a half asleep Jisoo's lap, when I ask "It's wasn't real love, was it?" He kisses my forehead softly. I know the answer to my question.


End file.
